Since the start of January I stayed home more. It has been tough, in the sense that BoiBoy gives me no slack. He sticks to me since he was a baby. Now at three years old, he still does and maybe even more.
Last evening, he wanted only me to wash him after he pooped, insisted that no one else but me wiped him for the night, refused to let me finish up my dinner and wanted me to play with him.
GerGer was making a fuss too as she was tired, and as I sneaked out to finish my dinner I overhead DeeDee and AhMa asking GerGer to rest for the night, and I almost jumped up hitting the roof. I quickly returned into the room and share my view.
It was only 8pm and if GerGer fell asleep then, she would likely wake up at around 1 or 2 am, waking AhMa and our helper up, and then falling asleep again only in the morning, screwing up her daily schedule. To make the schedule screw up worse, she has art enrichment after her Kindergarten hours the today. So I wanted to entertain her when DeeDee insisted I finish up my dinner.
At that moment, I felt torn. I have the habit of “doing things my way all by myself”, and I felt like I took a year to walk back to the dinning table. I had to let go. Be prepared to just let things happen (argh! So difficult to allow), and then deal with it later.
It’s tough staying at home with three kids. I’m going mad I think. BoiBoy has been a cry baby with endless demands. GerGer is entering another phase, instigating her younger sibling and cousin to do acts which we disallow. On a couple of occasions during these two weeks, I raised my voice to lecture them. I cried towards the end of my lectures because I felt lost. I dislike scolding them and I told them so. After every lecture I would give them a super big hug and they will break down crying as if they hear my inner thoughts. It felt like in the movies.
I’m at a state of bursting. But motherhood keeps the bubble in tact. I love my children. I play hard with them. I emphasise on their emotional development. Perhaps I press myself too hard.
Three cheers for all mothers in the world, especially stay at home mothers!