The year 2015 is coming to an end very soon. GerGer has completed her Primary 1 and BoiBoy has graduated from Kindergarten this year. This is also the year we sold
off our business setup, at the right time and price. On the domestic side, we have sacked our helper as we found out she was meeting her boyfriend while she lied to us about needing time off to run emergency errands.
It has been a rough year. Wait a minute, which has hasn’t been rough on me after I started my Motherhood Journey? Hmmm….
I seldom rant here, but I think I need to let out a little here this Season. My apologies to followers to hates to read rants.
GerGer’s Primary One Journey
GerGer teared at the school gate for the entire period in Term 1 when I sent her to school. My heart sank each time I watched her bravely walking into her school with tears rolling down her eyes. We knew that she is a sensible girl. What we discovered was her emotionally brave side, and we were so proud of her.
I kept chit chatting with her whenever I had the time in Term 1. DeeDee agreed to let me take time off from our business operations during this time. GerGer was sad she had no friends. She was shy (is still shy) and introverted. In school, she was soft spoken. She was not adapting well to a system much larger than her Kindergarten.
To my dismay, our Supervisor resigned, and I had to return to oversee the operations of our business. I had no other option but to let GerGer take the school bus. Although it was more economical to let her take the school bus to and from school, DeeDee and I decided to fetch her to school ourselves. We did not want her to feel that our business was much more important than her.
The rest of the year was not a bed of roses for GerGer and myself. We thought she had found a great friend in school but after knowing her for three terms, we discovered that she was trying to “earn” money from GerGer. It was a tricky situation. On the academic side, I found out by the end of Term 2 that GerGer was reading books and text without much comprehension. That was one of the reason she struggles in her Journal Writing assignments.
During the June Holidays, I looked up materials to help her in comprehension and writing. We read many books together and we discussed story plots, interesting words used in the stories and chatted about the story elements. BoiBoy joined us for the “MeeMee Classes” (named by BoiBoy and GerGer) too and he enjoyed our sessions (or so I choose to think).
I was glad that GerGer showed improvement in comprehension of text in Terms 3 & 4. However, we are still working on her writing. We rewarded her for putting in effort (together with me, that was) for her final exams with a meal at Swensen’s. The ice cream dessert was the main attraction for her; not the food.
BoiBoy’s K2 Journey
“MeeMee Classes” used to be held only during the School Holidays in previous years. This year, it was a daily event. Unexpectedly, BoiBoy wanted to join in at the session at the start of the year. His intention was negative : “jealousy”, but I took the opportunity to involve him. When he wanted to opt out later, and I was evil and refused. He had to learn his weekly spelling tests (one for English and one for Chinese each week) and I used the sessions to teach him the words. The year of learning his spelling words was not without tears for BoiBoy and not without anger for me. It made us realise that he cannot remember the sound of words well. I got worried. It was not long after I started worrying that he exclaimed “I hate reading!”. My heart broke when he said that. It shattered into pieces I could not recognize.
Reading has been the gift I had always wanted to give to BoiBoy and GerGer. I don’t get to set all our house rules; I don’t get to do bedtime reading with them consistently; I cannot remove the television in our flat and replace it with a bookshelf (out of respect as Grandma and DeeDee loves to watch television). **sobs** But I did the best I could. I read with them whenever I could. I bought books that boys would love. Books about cars, superheroes, and books that were funny.
I went through phonics sounds with him, I bought story books with synthetic phonics, and I honestly did all I could. Well, okay okay, I could have done more. My excuse? Not enough time.
Since he turned two, I have been working with him on his emotional outbursts. He has improved a lot. But I’m feeling so drained that he is still constantly (I’m dead serious about the description “CONSTANTLY”. I am not lying) demanding for play time, play mate, going downstairs to play, buying a new toy gun, a new I-cannot-even-count-anymore……. I had many serious talks with him about this meltdowns. He is much better now, but I’m secretly wishing that he could be way better so my tired mind and drained heart can have some peace (how about for 1 day at least?). I am asking for too much, I know. Perhaps I am a failure at raising this boy.
The time was right. The price was right. We sold our retail business operations set up in Autumn. It was an extremely difficult decision. It was fate that everything went on fast and smoothly, and in a blink of an eye, we have no more daily operations to care for. Of course we were still busy with the rest of the business, like the back end administration, accounting, and legal stuff. Our online business which was not part of the retail portion is still on going.
We have learned so much in a short span of over two years. Our personality might have somewhat changed. Our viewpoints turned. We are almost changed person after going through the learning journey. We understood our strengths and weaknesses much better than from the personality reports we have done in the past. It was definitely a worthwhile journey. We will continue to look out for our next venture.
Best-to-Bad Friends Forever
There are many articles written about mothers losing BFFs because of the commitment of motherhood. I was lucky it did not happen to me. Unfortunately our friendship could not stand the test of two commitments I had : Motherhood and Business. I could hardly meet up because I was working retail hours, and BFFs were 9 to 5 working personnel. Our only common slot was Saturday mornings. The fight was between time for my children and meet up with BFFs. They never uttered “no kids allowed”, but they ever told me “PLEASE DON”T, NEVER DO THAT” when I suggested to bring GerGer along for a trip with them. They have been lamenting that I don’t want to go on a Girls’ Trip with them.
They were too objective. I was too emotional. I never expected them to understand my Motherhood Struggles, nor my Business Struggles. But their negative comments to me, for not being able to meet up ever since I started my Business (or perhaps also because GerGer has started Primary School) had drained my Emotional Bank Account with them. I am sure I have drained theirs by not being able to meet up for so long.
The thing is, instead of giving me time and space, and letting me be who I want to be, they claim that they only wanted what’s good for me “A TIME-OUT”. They say I have neglected them. Ok, I have, but I honestly could not bring myself to leave the house and go have fun on my own. I have my own take on “Time-Outs”. Many mothers know that “Time-Out” leads to more issues like “kids sleeping later than usual, or taking naps when they were not supposed to, eating chocolates for the whole day, watching television for the whole day, or similar stuff”. It is more tiring to correct these behaviour over the next few weeks !!!! A Time-Out is costly for me. I’m not complaining about having people mind my kids while I’m out having fun. I’m only trying to avoid the Emotionally-Draining Experience of behaviour-correction which can take FOREVER or until I lose all my hair!!!
So I have lost my BFFs. I could not withhold my thoughts anymore and ranted. POOF! I have hurt them and pushed them out of my life. It is sad. My other friends (some marrried, some single, some with children and some without) understand me much better and can chat (over Whatsapp) with me more comfortably these days. Anyhow, life goes on.
I’m so drained this year that I had totally forgotten about my Wedding Anniversary. I realised that when I was working or at my shop, I had idle time to be reminded of the special day. With my domestic helper sacked, kids falling sick, keeping kids’ day according to schedule, shifting ahead their sleeping time as they need to wake up early for school next year… and .. and … and (never ending list)……. my mind had ZERO idle time. Stay Home Mums have minds occupied and overflowing things to remember and do… and they don’t have the luxury of keeping an outstanding list because honestly, we sometimes don’t even get to Pee, Poop, Shower or Take a Meal….. I’m not a 100% stay home mum but I can understand how tough it is.
The next year…..
I’m getting mentally prepared that next year will be another rough year. BoiBoy who hates to read and is restless and demanding is going to Primary 1. GerGer who still hates to write is going to Primary 2 with more demanding Journal Writing Assignments. Career paths will change for DeeDee and myself. We have a new domestic helper….. will she fit the job well?
Motherhood leaves me with no time to feel as much as I would love to. It gives me so much on my plate that I JUST HAVE TO MOVE ON WITH NO TIME TO WASTE.
Bye bye 2015 and Hello 2016!